A Lixy Life

Last week I read a quote that went like this...

“Our family pushes buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago; the baby, the peacekeeper, the general, the golden child, the villain, the caretaker, the avoider--it doesn’t seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we’ve traveled.”

Reading that had to keep from jumping up and down while wildly waving my hand to make sure I could be counted as a part of that statement. Since moving away from my family 5 years ago I've been to different countries, lived with different people, taken on new cultures, interests, lifestyles, and roles, and eventually you think you're a different person then you were-older, wiser, confident, in control, useful and respectable. But then throw me back in with family and I'm just "that sister" again, surrounded by those who wanna dog your every footstep, wanna know more then you know yourself about what your doing, wanna pick sissy fights and eat your food and talk constantly and touch your stuff and aaaaaagh...they just wanna be a part of everything.

At the time I was feeling a little overwhelmed not knowing how to react and deal with everything. One of the reasons I had in praying about coming home for awhile was to help my family find and set up their home and mission, and here I was feeling lost and crumbling--just a little bit terrifying. Humble, uncertain, desperate and needy, I took sanctuary in the one place I've always been able to find peace, strength, and hope--Jesus' arms. He showed me that I wasn't lost, I was right in His hands, I wasn't crumbling, I was just falling into place, I hadn't failed Him, only my own pride. He showed me that together we could do anything and when I felt I could do nothing, it was only because I needed to let Him do more. This isn't about me. Sometimes to help others you have to let them be the one that helps you. And that is what family is about. It's not about who's better or worse, good or bad, it's not about who has more or less or is lower or higher. It's about being together, sharing the good and the bad times so you can have a great time, sharing the lows and highs so you can keep a steady ballance, it's about love--a love that covers everything and wraps it up into one big beautiful package, a gift from heaven, a family.

That's the kind of love that is God and that's the kind of love I want to have, not just for my own family but for others. After all that what I've commited my life to, and where better to start then with the special people that Jesus has place there right from the very first moment we were put on earth. So today when I read this prayer, I knew it was for me and this is my way of raising my hand way up high so others will know that this is what I wanted to be counted a part of...

Help me, Lord, to be like Your love, not knowing any hour or time. Help me, Lord, to be like Your love, that gives and expects nothing in return. Help me, Lord, to be like Your love, that just loves to give and give. Help me, Lord, to be like Your love, that is meek and kind and sincere.
Help me, Lord, to be like Your love,